she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
