I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
