Can i not drive my cunt home
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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