I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize