Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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