I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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