it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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