Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
