Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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