I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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