You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
