dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
