no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
