Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
