I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
