she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
