Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
