So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
