I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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