I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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