OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize