When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
