Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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