the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
