Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize