i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
