There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
