tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
