i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
