He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize