thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
