no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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