I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
this hospital has no fireball
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
