so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
