I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
