apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
