My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
