I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
