I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
