Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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