then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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