Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize