we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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