im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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