Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
