Just fell off a train. Bad.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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