i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
