At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
