everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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