yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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