I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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