Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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