if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
