Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
