The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize