lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize