I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
