guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
