I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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