Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
