I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
