dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
