The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
