oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
