I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize