I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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