The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
