i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
