Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
